Journal #1 (The dream)

Couple days ago, I dreamed about Lady N. It was a beautiful dream, nonetheless. But when I woke up, I was punched in the face by reality. I was down in the dumps, knowing that the dream would never come true. Also, we are worlds apart, literally. She is in my second country and I am on my home country. And to put the icing in the cake I don't even know that she even likes me. Night after night passed and I couldn't sleep; I tossed and turned put it didn't do any good.

Days passed so slowly, it was like watching paint dry. Maybe its because I kept thinking about Lady N, or I was a coward. Trying to avoid her. The weight inside me is starting to take its toll, I lost interest in my studies, not that I had the will to start with. I felt that writing this journal could keep me sane, and as my memoirs.

But the odd thing is, I know that Lady N doesn't fancy me, but I know that in my heart I can't stop liking her. The more I think of her, the more I felt that it was meant to be. Sigh... I feel dispirited already.

A year ago, I still can recall those times that we spent talking to each other. Those times felt like light years ago. I don't know why I feel this way, it could be the rain that just finished a couple hours ago. The air around me felt so heavy, or maybe it was just me. I'll admit that I'm a tinny bit jealous but I can't help it.

As I listen to Second Chance by Shinedown , these words rang in my head "Sometimes Goodbye is a second chance". At first I couldn't accept it, my brain wouldn't allow it. Later after minutes of just thinking what to write next, I figured is just to plough through, and act as if nothing happened. But one thing is for sure; let's hope that there even is a second chance... soon.

Oh and another thought, love is one thing but too much love is called an obsession. The question is: Am I in love or do I have an obsession for Lady N?